Alright so I feel like the universe has been speaking to me in more ways than one on setting boundaries. It’s something I thought I was decent at but I have encountered many a time that I am not. I am naturally a very giving person. It’s just who I am. I won’t ever change that BUT I am learning that not everyone deserves this side of me. I am learning. You can be really nice AND keep strong boundaries. It doesn’t make you a horrible person and that is something I am working through. I feel bad saying this, but honestly I need to put me first. We all deserve to do that and should not feel bad about it.
I am also learning that suppressing your emotions, your wants, your needs, and put all that secondary to another or work is also not healthy. I know that probably sounds obvious but let me ask you this do you often have a plan and then someone pulls something on you last minute, you’re annoyed but just deal with it anyways and do it? Do you know you have too much work but still say yes to help a co-worker out? Or because you feel guilty saying no to work? Do you say yes even when sometimes you really want to say no but you feel guilty doing that? Do you often think of how it affects the other but you know they don’t always do that for you? Do you struggle with saying no? I know I do and to be honest for me this mostly applies to stuff with friends, picking up extra work shifts, and gosh dating. Oh what a hoot dating can be. That is a post for another time haha. BUT I noticed lately with friends there’s moments I wanted to say no but I felt guilty, I need to just say no. Getting better about this now that I am aware I do this. Also when it comes dating I am so laid back but because of that I realize I often don’t totally express what I actually need/want from another and let them have the power more often than not. I am such a Type A personality in so many ways but when it comes to this stuff I need to step up. I am at a point where i’m sick of feeling like what I want doesn’t matter. It does and if you can’t understand or honor that the way I do for you then you don’t deserve a spot in my life end of story.
So with that I want to talk boundaries and how I am implementing them in my life now:
Say no. Say it often. Stop caring if it will upset another if you don’t want to do it then say no and remember your delivery is everything. Understand the difference between being rude in this and having healthy boundaries for yourself.
I read a quote “just because you have needs does not make you needy” and this hit home. We are human and every single one of us have needs. Big or small we do. You are allowed to and therefore you are allowed to express this. If the other person cannot understand this and meet you where you are then BYE. This also applies to work. I am a strong believer that you need a certain environment and way of working to thrive and not burn out. Companies will probably never really understand this so it’s up to you to honor your boundaries.
Use your voice. We all get scared to do this. I know I do. Are you upset? Think through this express that. Are you scared? Why? Work through this and express it. I think we get so caught up with our emotions and thoughts that we hold it in and let it fester. This is not good for you. Eventually you will word vomit and it often comes out the wrong way. Process what you are feeling, let it come up, and then speak from a place of clarity and kindness. You deserve to let it all out.
Make sure you schedule time for yourself. Sometimes when life gets busy we get used to saying yes to seeing friends and doing all the things because you want that, but it’s not what you need. So truly this all ties up to my first 3 tips. You need to remember what you NEED. Ask yourself before you say yes. Do you want to see your friends but actually want to relax? Well then relax, say no and see them another time. It’s okay :)
Reassess often what is working and not working in your life. Things are literally always changing and so you are too. That is 100% okay and I think it’s totally fair to change what boundaries look like. This one stems from the fact that you are allowed to change your mind. We are ever evolving people so I think it’s only fair that you are constantly deciding what can stay or go.
Overall boundaries are something I am working on in every aspect in my life. It makes for better mental health, for honoring myself, and just overall having a standard of what I want my life to look like by my own rules. I think it’s something that is easily lost sometimes and I know that I am not honoring my boundaries or need when I get frustrated or bitter. It’s not my normal personality so when it happens I know it’s because I am not holding the standard or expressing myself properly. It creates a “lack mentality” in me and it’s not fun. So this is what I am workin on for the rest of the year!
What is a boundary you’d like to honor for yourself more? Let me know on insta or in the comments sections here.